I’m sure you’ve seen the cute yet spiritual Precious Moments figures somewhere. (If not, go to your local greeting card store or check out the Precious Moments web page at http://www.pmcdolls.com) Chances are, someone near and dear to you collects them. They look nice enough in the cabinet, but wouldn’t it be fun to take them out and play with them? Even better, how about a miniatures wargame with Precious Moments figures? OK, it can’t be too gruesome or violent, but it can be done. Here are rules for a Precious Moments Miniatures Battle game.
Each figure has four stats — Cuteness, Brightness, Piety, and Value.
Cuteness is rated by your wife, mother, grandmother, or sister as to how cute the figure is on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the most cute, 1 being the least).
Brightness is, again, rated by your wife, mother, grandmother, or sister as to how bright the colors are on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the brightest, 1 being the dullest).
Piety is based on how many spiritual items and/or spiritual activities are depicted on the figure. Take the number of spiritual items (such as crosses, Bibles, halos, angel’s wings, etc.), add the number of spiritual activities (such as praying, preaching, sitting in church, etc.) and multiply by two. For example, if the figure is holding a Bible, has a halo, has wings, and is praying, it would have 3 spiritual items and 1 spiritual activity for a Piety rating of 8. In event of a disagreement over what constitutes a spiritual item or activity, just assume that if one player thinks it is, it is. (In all things, charity.) The maximum Piety score a figure may have is 8.
(If you can’t get your mother, grandmother, wife, or sister to rate your figures, you can roll a d10 for Cuteness and Brightness, and a d8 for Piety.)
Value is based on cost of the figure to the closest round dollar amount. If you paid $22.95 for it, it would have a Value rating of 23. You may check with your nearest greeting card store or Christian bookstore for the current price, or find a Precious Moments collectors’ guide.
Keep a 3×5 card for each figure with its statistics and any other information needed.
The Set Up
Each player needs to bring their own group of figures, called a Choir, for each battle. Before the game begins, the players must decide on the total maximum Value of their respective Choirs. A Value of $100-125 is a good number for each side to start with (and believe me, the Values add up fast these days!)
After each player sets up their Choirs, they then set up the field. The game requires a flat, sturdy surface, such as a tabletop. Set up obstacles on the table that block lines of sight and movement to make the game more interesting. (Some possible obstacles include salt and pepper shakers, sugar bowls, glasses, and butter dishes.) Players should agree on the number of obstacles prior to placement, and then each player may place one obstacle at a time, alternating turns until all have been placed. Players may agree to a time limit prior to starting the contest (see The Outcome, below).
Toss a coin. The winner (Player 1) selects the side of the table that is his home side. The loser of the toss (Player 2) will set up on the opposite side. Player 2 places one of his figures within 6 inches of his home side first. Player 1 then places one of his figures within 6 inches of his home side. Placement continues, alternating until all figures have been placed.
Each round of play has two phases: Initiative & Movement and Singing.
Initiative & Movement
2d6 are rolled to determine who wins initiative for the Singing round. Reroll any ties. The player losing the initiative roll moves first. He may move any one of his figures in any direction (except off the table). The figure may move up to its Brightness rating in inches. Use a ruler (a flexible tape measure works well) to measure the distance. The winner of the initiative roll then moves one of his figures in the same manner. Movement continues, with the players alternating, until each player has moved all of his figures as desired. Movement is optional; figures may be left in their current positions if desired.
The player with the initiative goes first in this phase. He may sing an Aria directed toward one of his opponent’s figures. In order to sing at an opposing figure, the Singing figure must have an unobstructed line of sight to that figure. Use a ruler or a piece of string to determine if the line of sight is obstructed. If the line runs through an obstacle or another figure (friendly or opposing), the line of sight is blocked. The Singing figure rolls 2d6, and compares the result to its Cuteness rating. If the roll is equal to or less than the Cuteness score, the opposing figure suffers 2d6 points of Humiliation (but see Relying on the Spirit, below). These points are subtracted from the figure’s Value score. After the Singing result is determined, the opposing player then has an opportunity to Sing. Singing rounds alternate until each figure has had an opportunity to Sing. No figure may Sing more than once in a single Singing phase.
Relying on the Spirit
If a figure that has been Humiliated is able to roll its Piety score or less on 2d6, it suffers no Humiliation.
When a figure’s Value reaches 0 or less, it immediately goes to Heaven, and is out of the game.
When the final figure has sung, begin a new round. Play continues until one of the winning outcomes is achieved by one of the players.
The game is won by:
1) Being the last player with figures left in play (in other words, if all your opponent’s figures go to Heaven, you win.), or
2) Having the greatest Value of figures left in play when the game ends. Value is determined by the current Value scores of the figures, not the starting Values. This condition applies when the players call a game due to a time limit or other mutually agreed upon ending.
In keeping with the spirit of the figures, winners must remain humble, and losers must remain gracious.